Remote possibilities

I got some great news last night. My cousin got engaged! I'm so overjoyed right now! My fiance set them up as a "thank you" for setting us up! Now we're all going to be related! It's a good day!

There are lots of exclamation points in that last paragraph! I'm calm now.

So I wooted a remote the other night and it works great. I'm trying something different in that it is an "asexual" remote for the second TV - meaning that it's not quite a boy remote or a girl remote due to its size and features. The fiance will want to use it when she becomes the wife so I am compromising. As you probably know, there are big differences between boy remotes and girl remotes.

Girl Remotes:

• Between 15-40 buttons (ten of which are completely wasted by the dedicated 0-9 buttons).
• No learning capabilities.
• Controls up to 4 devices.
• Transmits infrared signals to each device, line of sight required.
• Most likely do not light up, but may have glow in the dark keys.
• Require 2 AA batteries.
• Price: $4.99-$49.99.
• The most advanced feature would be a "return to previous channel" button.
• All boys know that girl remotes are completely inadequate, and wonder how they can use such inferior technology.

Boy remotes:

• Between 0-80 buttons, but with touchscreen LCD, which brings button count to approximately 60,000.
• Learning capabilities from any remote.
• Controls as many devices as it has buttons due to learning capabilities.
• Transmit via radio waves to a central docking station - no line of sight necessary.
• USB connection to PC for code and graphic editing.
• They must light up, and preferably in full color.
• Require 6 - 8 AA batteries.
• Price: $69.99-how much do you have to spend?
• The most advanced feature would be using a programmed macro so that one button will turn on the 300-disc DVD player, tuner, cable box, VCR, TV, change the channel to 3 on the TV, put the amp on Video 2, rewind the VCR tape, press play on DVD 143, and adjust the temperature on the thermostat to a comfortable 68 degrees. And get you a glass of tea. With Splenda.
• Controllable by men at 240 rbhpm (remote button hits per minute).
• They don't work for women. Ever.

It never fails to floor me when my fiance tries to use one of the macros and it just doesn't work. I can stand there and hit the same button and it works fine. They know. They have testosterone detectors. So, if your girlfriend, wife, fiance can work a boy remote, you should do a little digging into her past to make sure you know what you're getting into. You have been warned.

And finally, I usually don't enjoy the blonde jokes, but I couldn't resist this one.

CAR TROUBLE

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died... After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor" She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

Please forgive me. It's Friday, and I'm out.